“You are not your resume, you are your work.” — Seth Godin
My sister is the one in the black swimsuit. At first, the only woman to be welcomed on to a high-school all-boys water polo team. (there wasn’t a girls team).
Over her short lifetime, her resume screamed OVER-ACHIEVER; super athlete in high school, US Naval Academy student, NAPS star graduate and Platoon leader, intel analyst with S.E.A.L. teams, FBI analyst with the AntiTerrorism Task Force…and on and on it goes.
But it was her work that landed her in game and life-changing spots where her gender, (and size) may have been perceived as limiters. In fact, she walked through those barriers, and wherever she could, leaned back and provided mentorship and friendship to others experiencing the same barriers she had once cracked.
At only 38 years young, she died on Jan 14, 2013 from a rare form of cancer. And even in the four years of her battle, she was a willing magnet for others to find power, positivity and peace in their own fights.
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There is no greater testament to the power of our work and our purpose (and not our resumes) than when we see the capabilities of those working in service of something bigger. Something beyond themselves, and in service of someone or something.
As Homo sapiens, we are biologically wired for this kind of work, down to the molecular level. Our very biochemistry, neurobiology and psychology is built on a fundamental principle; our bodies depend on one molecule serving another, one system serving another, one organ serving another. At a familial, community and societal-level, we survive just the same — and thrive — only when we help each other. The human’s ability to thrive, not just survive, is questionable, if not impossible, without the interdependence of these systems and of other humans on each other.
Interestingly, our conventional health care system is designed to tackle only one part of this human system. Learn the biology of the disease, its pathology, and address its symptoms. Where and when possible, eradicate the disease.
This is quite an effective system — and has extended human life expectancy well into our 70’s. The research focus on the biology and what has gone wrong with its state of homeostasis has cracked some diseases earlier thought to be impenetrable.
But our health care (U.S.) system is not yet designed to address the entire human being’s ecosystem. The power and influence of a human’s mind, our emotions (themselves driven by a very sophisticated biological system), and the very things we eat, are well documented and researched for their influence on our body’s overall health, our resilience and well-being. In one study, a “subgroup meta-analyses demonstrated that stressful life experiences are related to poorer cancer survival and higher mortality and…that unfavorable coping styles and negative emotional responses or poor quality of life were related to higher cancer incidence, poorer cancer survival and higher cancer mortality.”
And yet, these powerful systems are rarely if ever addressed with as much astute attention and care as our biological systems. The research grows every decade to show the physiological implications of the mind’s power over the body. From positive feelings of greater emotional control and positive neurobiological changes, or conversely, to advanced cellular aging via telomere fraying, we see the effects of attention to the mind from the human behavioral level down to a molecular level.
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Friends for good health
Back to that bit about depending on each other for survival…
In 2009, Drs. Christakis and Fowler wrote a book called Connected that caused quite a stir. And for good reason. They made some bold claims about why we do what we do, and what happens to our health, our careers, our lives as a result.
Short story: our peers and friends have more of an effect on our behavior than our family members.
Turns out peer pressure isn’t a phase. And its physiological effects are manifested in our bodies, and our minds, before we ever take action or modify a behavior.
The Tribe’s Power
This is a super-power that can be used for good. And we don’t have to look far to see where its use can be most valued and leveraged for better health and well-being.
Patients with life-threatening illnesses like cancer or advanced heart disease encounter the availability of such support systems very differently. Despite the disparity in availability of such psycho-social support systems, there are relatively few, if any, personalized, on-demand and ready sources for a mentor-match or buddy for a patient needing one. Someone who is non-judgmental, does not carry the burden of worry and fear of a family member, shares an intimate understanding of the disease with the patient, and from whom the patient can receive psychological safety and emotional support to address a plethora of challenges.
The well-resourced hospitals and clinics might have a nurse and maybe even some social workers to help support patients, but the load is heavy and the individual nature of each patients’ needs gargantuan. This load strains the resources of the clinics, and ultimately the patients. But for those with no resources to turn to at all, psychological stressors can quickly exacerbate already strained physiological systems working hard to fight a formidable opponent.
…the remarkable advances in biomedical care for cancer have not been matched by achievements in providing high-quality care for the psychological and social effects of cancer. Numerous cancer survivors and their caregivers report that cancer care providers did not understand their psychosocial needs, failed to recognize and adequately address depression and other symptoms of stress, were unaware of or did not refer them to available resources, and generally did not consider psychosocial support to be an integral part of quality cancer care. — The Psychosocial needs of cancer patients. (2008)
Such a personalized social support system is available through some community centers and hospital — but is hardly universal in its process or guarantee of service. Mostly manual and dependent on people with the time to pour pour over excel spreadsheets of data to make their best objective matches, the process is both not “on demand” and or available to everyone with a smartphone. (It took one agency 10 business days to make a match)
Patients would do well by having a quicker and self-directed access to a matched mentor after the moment of diagnosis; even before the litany of doctor appointments, treatment protocols, financial worries and flood of decisions fills their days. They deserve an early opportunity to strengthen their minds and bodies for the journey ahead. This kind of offering would not only free up staff to provide services they are better skilled and ready to provide, but patients will become more empowered in their health care by learning questions to ask their providers, understanding what other options may exist, and feeling more confident in what they can do and when, vs experiencing the onslaught of daily loneliness, feelings of uncertainty, anxiety, fear and depression. All psychological effects that eventually work their way into the bodies of the worn down and already fragile.
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If you’re interested in learning more, or collaborating on such a solution, please take a look here.
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Special thanks goes to team at the Bay Area Cancer Connections in Palo Alto, B.A.Y.S of San Francisco, Ali Vogt at the Womens Cancer Resource Center and Esther Chyan, R.N. at Stanford Cancer Community Center for their efforts to pair patients with the support they need. A huge thanks to my own doctors — Dr Metkus and Dr Glafkides — and their staff for doing the same for me.
